Yes, I’m aware that using “fag” as a pejorative is contentious. No offence intended to any gay men by association with Apple or Apple fanbois.

Firstly, Apple is a cult. They manufacture hardware with inferior specs that are more expensive and have to be used with other Apple hardware. They make it difficult to leave their cult via just how shitty and closed their hardware and software ecosystem is- just look at the monstrosity that is iTunes, which is required to use an iPod, iPhone or iPad. They claim that it’s all in the name of a superior “user experience” and that their focus is supposedly on this “user experience” however I don’t think their UI is particularly user-friendly, nor would I be the first person to think so by any means. They’re patent trolls, aggressively monopolistic and anti-competitive. They abuse their workers overseas, have profoundly unethical and environmentally dangerous policies and don’t do a single charitable act.

Then of course there’s their beloved cult leader Steve Jobs, who by pretty much every estimation may have been a good businessman but was a complete asshole. Great man who benefited society my arse. He didn’t do a single philanthropic or generous act in his life. How is selling a whole lot of stunned mullets expensive hardware in any way “generous”. It’s not as if he’s donating his fanbois anything.

Maybe all of this was kind of tolerable when Apple were the underdog. Now that they’re the richest computer company in the world, it is patently criminal, unethical and dodgy.

Now, the fanbois/girl groupies. They trumpet the joys of Mac and how faaaaaaaaaaabulous it is in ways that sound like they’re selling rainbow unicorn poop. They’re loud, obnoxious, completely and utterly biased, buy pretty much every Apple product the moment it comes out (because evidently users pouring more money into Apple is an example of how “generous” Steve Jobs is) and are completely blind to the downsides of their wondrous leader, his cult or the Amway that they sell. On top of it, they parrot a series of blatant lies that claim that their Messiah created things that he never created, such as MP3 players or tablet computers (and then claim anyone else doing something similar is “infringing on patents”).

“It’s made by Apple! I must have it! Everything by anyone else is worse! Apple invented tablets! Macs never get viruses!”

Ooh, awesome, there’s something we really needed more of. Capitalist consumerist nerd zombies who can’t think for themselves!

The moment you criticise Apple and its terrible behaviour and crappy products, you get exposed to a tirade of verbal abuse about how “wrong” you are, how “biased” you are and how “no-one ever criticises Google or Microsoft”. Wait, what? No-one criticises Google or Microsoft for bad practices?! *splutter*. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Boohoo. Someone criticised a product you used. Welcome to the real world, children. Maybe even welcome to the world where you can recognise that it’s possible to take criticism without turning into a velociraptor or a jelly.

The defensiveness really makes me think that deep down, most “Mac Enthusiasts” actually do realise they’ve been sold a load of horseshit and are overcompensating by trying to convince themselves and others that they haven’t in fact wasted tens of thousands of dollars. Scientology anyone? Anyone imagining an Apple fanboi jumping up and down on a couch extolling just how “in love” they are with an iTampon?

There’s even a completely biased piece of crap website called “Cult of Mac” out there. Enough said.