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Look, men that I am friends with. I know you have some freaky sexual deviations that you want to try out and you kind of look like a ferret/bear/monkey/lizard/other animal that I’m not sexually attracted to. I know that it’s hard to be understood. Oh yes, and you are a workaholic nerd who is “sick of fucking fat white chicks” and that makes the scope of who you can sleep with rather limited. And you miss cuddling but really you just want to fuck.

And the Internet is just so understanding and accessible and stuff. And you can totally communicate with girls you used to know at university, because you meet pretty much no girls.

Still, I’m not sure what particular part of “mostly gay” made you think “hot damn, I am totally in”, but even if I wasn’t, really, I’m sorry but you are still close to the bottom of my freaky fuckbuddy list. And even if it was one of those low self-esteem days that you’re just hoping for, surely IM is the LEAST SEXIEST HOOKUP MEDIUM KNOWN TO MAN.

PUBLIC INTEREST TRANSMISSION: FACEBOOK CHAT, MSN MESSENGER, ICQ, YAHOO CHAT, AIM AND GMAIL CHAT WILL NOT GET YOU LAID.

Well, ok, maybe the last one will. Gtalk is kind of sexxxy.

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