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I’m not really very good at dealing with needy people. Part of the reason is that I myself am an intense person. But I’m not enthusiastic because I have a weird crush on all my friends. I’m enthusiastic because I find things actually interesting or to be passionate about?

And so I collect needy people. And they tell me their problems. Which kind of inspires me to think that maybe I have these needy-people-problems myself. I don’t really care that I’m single right now but all the needy friends do, and so I find myself wondering if there’s something wrong with me.

Then I get anxiety about being single. Except, I don’t care about being single. I’m a little upset that I let myself put on so much weight and that the only people who are flirting with me are very strange. And I’m missing my cats and my friends up here. But being single? I’m only upset about that (in reality) in a sort of theoretical way. Sometimes I read something in fiction featuring being super happy and contented and in love and I feel wistful but that’s about it.

I had a crush on a friend who also likes THE LADIES recently. Anyway she wasn’t interested, which is kind of ok. I’m relieved. The amount of relief was kind of… excessive. But fair I guess since she lives a long way away? And I was so unbelievably anxious and stressed around that time (from moving and needy friends) that I think it was kind of all mushed up into that stuff.

I guess it highlights though just how easy it is to get self-delusional. Or to be oblivious? Who knows.